Soap & Cancer

I am in lots of pain today. I am seriously hoping everything is OK. I am having "Oh Shit" moments, where I think that if I do have cancer everything would change. When I am looking in the mirror brushing my hair I wonder how many more times will I brush my hair? Will I have hair in the next few months? Oh course those thoughts quickly turn into, how far is it, how bad is it, will I die? I haven't been diagnosed with ANYTHING yet, except masses. I do not know why I am tormenting myself. I think the closer Thursday gets I am stressing more. I already have anxiety disorder and this  ain't helping. I wonder of I have to have chemo how I will go through it with my husband on the road all the time. My SIL says she'll be here and help in any way she can. I know she will, but I hate to put myself on anyone like that. Obviously I am thinking far ahead, but that's in my nature. I won't apologize for it. No one can tell another person how to feel or what to think. I am getting a lot of that, or having to explain why I am so freaked out. Well let me just say that if you find a mass anywhere on your body and it causes you as much pain as mine does, you'll freak out too. Having said all my negative whiney boo hoo poo poo... I will not take any of this laying down. Should they be fibroids I will get them removed and go on, if it is cancer... well, then I will fight. Tooth and nail. I will not let it best me, nor make me resentful, nor mean. I will do what I have to do and be done with it. 

I am an avid soap maker, love experimenting & by hell this has thrown me for a loop. I am not interested in anything. I have been cleaning a lot because I just don't know what to do with myself. I think I need to get out some. Maybe I will take my little boy fishing tomorrow while my girl is in school. That would be a nice get a way for a little bit, and I just might catch dinner :)

I am waiting on a few orders to come in so that I can make my little girl & my niece some raspberry cheesecake soap. I am going to make it bright pink with glitter. they are just going to love it! Making things for other people makes me feel so good. I am not trying to get rich on my soaps, just make enough to fuel my obsession. I will never use store bought soap again :)