I am seriously not sure what's wrong with me. I have been trying to battle depression and anxiety for years. I am loosing, that's all there is to it. I am exhausted, ache, and have anxiety induced high blood pressure. Wow, who'd have thought it? I had to go to urgent care today for pain in my stomach and chest. The chest pain is anxiety, and the stomach pain is an inflammed and irritated stomach for all the Ibuprofen I take. Go figure, I hurt so I take ant iinflammatories to help and they make things worse. Does nothing for my anxiety...
I have been trying so hard to make things right with work and every time I do it ends up blowing up in my face. I have people calling and yelling and screaming at me every day :( I have all of my family issues I am going through, trying to work through those, with the fear that it will all blow back up in my face.
My kids are so hyperactive and aren't listening well at the moment. Obviously they have cabin fever and we've got to get out and about. I am really looking forward to getting out this Sunday and letting them run around in the desert. I am looking forward to seeing my friends, and talking to people other than tenants.
Money is always an issue and my $50 co-pay certainly didn't help. Or the fact that the hospital always seems to find all these new charges for past visits. What the hell is up with our health care system?
I have no desire to knit or crochet, and those are my 2 main stress relievers. I haven't been crafty at all. I felt ok for a couple days and was able to get a beanie made for Lily. That's how I know I feel good, I knit.
I have been escaping into books lately. I read an awesome trilogy recently.... Haunted on Bourbon Street, Witches of Bourbon Street, and Demons on Bourbon Street", it's the Jade Calhoun series. LOVED it, a must read for Charlaine Harris fans. It's a cross between her and Nora Roberts. Thanks Crystal for recommending them! I am going to start a "Deadwood" series by Anne Charles, and I am loving what I am seeing so far! Any suggestions on good books are welcome for those of you who read my blog.
I am so badly wanting to change in the new year. I have come a long way from last year. Or so my friend Crystal says... could she be biased? :) My goals for the new year will be a separate post I think. I am going to really sit down on focus on what I can change, not what I want to change.
As for my depression and anxiety... it makes it hard to do anything. Anything at all. Loosing battle, yeah I said that, but by hell I am a fighter!!!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
